For most of our amazing lives
It’s been out of our reach
But now we're looking for a band of brothers
For whom we can beseech
Won’t you come and join with me
It's a journey that will truly set you free
Fuck Mountain
Fuck Mountain

First, we’ll need a wingman
Who will help us break the ice
And a designated driver
with a limo will suffice

And the most important member of the team
A guy much uglier than us
He’ll make us look real good in comparison
So when we’re naked there’ll be no fuss
Pack your bags it’s time to go
Where the expectations are nice and low
Fuck Mountain
Fuck Mountain

(Spoken)
People, we will never forget the day the wise, old wizard came to our door. He had heard us practicing from down the block and he said, "Gentlemen, I can tell that you have not known the sensual caress of another human being in quite some time. But don't worry! For I have a quest and I want you two to join me on that quest. You only have to ask yourselves two questions: First is, am I wearing clean underpants? And two is; do I feel the urge? Because gentlemen...it is time...TO CLIMB!

We’re gonna climb fuck mountain

And we're not gonna stop
Until we get it in, all the way– not just the tip
And we'll actually finish this time and not get all up in our heads
And make it kind of weird
Fuck Mountain--