1. |
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There was a time
When you would play outside
But that wasn’t for me
I wanted to watch TV
Then came a time
8bit fever blew my mind
Put the controller in my hand
Vanquish the boss, that was the plan
I became Mario and Tony Hawk
And Battletoads and Laura Croft
To name a few-
But now the kids just wanna watch videos of other people playing Minecraft
Yeah the kids just wanna watch videos of other people playing Minecraft
And I feel old
Pull up YouTube
And see all those play-throughs
I think it's such a shame
To spoil a good game
I find it kind of odd
To see all the different mods
I no longer know what’s real
I just can’t see the appeal
I come from a time where there were no save points
Just random codes and disappoints
Nothing you could do
But now the kids just wanna watch videos of other people playing Minecraft
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2. |
It's Not Out Yet
02:59
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I went on the internet today
And I saw the online headline say
The bought the rights to my favorite book
Hey, maybe I should take a look
They say that movie might be directed by Michael Bay
I think that’s really not okay
CHORUS
It’s not out yet but I know that I hate it
I just know that I hate it, I just know
It’s not out yet but I know that I hate it
I just can’t celebrate it, I just won’t
Went on my favorite gossip site
And I saw that they just might
Turn my favorite 80s cartoon
Into a brand new movie soon
But Joss Whedon took a pass on writing the script
And now I want to punch somebody in the dick
CHORUS
It’s not out yet but I know that I hate it
I just know that I hate it, I just know
It’s not out yet but I know that I hate it
I just can’t celebrate it, I just won’t
Think how great the world would be
If everyone would just listen to me
I would make every movie rad
No nerd would ever ever be sad
’Til then I’ll be on the internet, staying up real late
Poking holes in everything that you create
CHORUS
CHORUS
ECT…
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3. |
The Oregon Trail
03:08
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4. |
Netflix and Chill
02:54
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All alone on a Friday night and I’d like some company
I send you a clever text with a cute emoji
Would you like to come over? Thumbs Up/Winky Smiley Face
I’ve got Netflix all set up at my place…
Netflix and Chill – You are the one who fits my bill
But don’t you dare try to make out with me
There’s so many movies I want to see-
Netflix and Chill – always going in for the kill
But can you please keep just your clothes on
We’re only halfway through the Wrath of Khan
I know it’s after ten o’clock but there’s just so much to binge
There’s still three seasons left of Fringe
You look so good tonight as you try to hold my hand
But I already have so much on demand
Netflix and Chill – You never seem to get your fill
But the movie is now underway
And at the end of the month it’s going away
Netflix and Chill – can you please just sit still
And try not to make a peep
We just started streaming Quantum Leap
Other guys might have wanted something different when you got here
But have no fear, we’re just watching The Wonder Years
CHORUS
Netflix and Chill – I know you're hoping to get drilled
But don’t you bark for that bone
I’m only halfway through Jessica Jones
Netflix and Chill – I’m finally ready for some thrills
But it seems that you got bored
And now you're making some cute little snores
And even though you're the one I adore
I'm going back to Netflix for...some...more.....
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5. |
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Come out to my cabin, it’s in the woods
I’ve got the goods to show you a real good time
Drive out in my Delta 88 and maybe read a book
you’ve got the look so I hope that you are primed
and if Candarian demons try to swallow your soul just let me know
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
I’ll do all that I can if you just lend me a hand
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
It’s time to take a stand, check in my trunk I got a plan
We can move to Brisco County, swing among the trees
like the king of thieves so who’s laughing now
and when the lights turn low I’ll show you my boomstick
It does a trick that will make you go wow
and if the ancient evil makes a duplicate of me, just wait and see
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
I’ll do all I can if you just lend me a hand
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
Sip a mojito, get a tan, make you my biggest fan
Give me some sugar, baby, what have you got to lose
Pretty soon we’ll both be covered in ooze
And when we’re old and grey like Elvis would have been
We’ll fight the evil Mummy ‘till we win
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
I’ll do all that I can if you just lend me a hand
I want to be your Bruce Campbell
I want to be your big chinned man
It’s time to take a stand, check in my trunk I got a plan
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6. |
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It’s been a long, long road but I’ve got all my supplies
A can of diet Dr. Pepper and a 20 sided die
I know that I will be up all night
But my homework’s done so it’s alright
No exercise outside for me
Just the quest for the hydra’s key
Will I make it to the dragon’s layer? I’m living on a roll and a prayer
The scent of dark elves is in the air, I’m living on a roll and a prayer
It’s been a long, long road but I’ve finally passed the test
I may have saved the world from evil but have never touched a woman’s breast
I don’t care if everyone calls us dorks
As long as my sword gets +10 against orcs
When I wondered who I would take to the prom
My charisma points said it will be my mom
Frodo Baggins t-shirts are what I wear; I’m living on a roll and a prayer
Haven’t showered in days but I don’t care, I’m living on a roll and a prayer
The dungeon master says it’s my turn and my wrist is feeling the burn
Give me more cheetos, more cheetos and pizza rolls!
I know that the trap’s been set, I break into a cold, cold sweat
Give me more cheetos, more cheetos and -------
It’s been a long, long road and I’ve roll played everything
From the rotting walking dead to girl ponies who can sing
I don’t know if I will ever get a date
But I’ll have a hand in the wizard’s fate
I’ll never ever go to a club
But can I roll to see if I get drunk in the pub
I get winded climbing a flight of stairs, I’m living on a roll and a prayer
I’ll see you all next week at the ren fair, I’m living on a roll and a prayer
Living on a roll, living on a roll – and a prayer!
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7. |
Chewbacca
04:07
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When I woke up this morning you were gone
And I have no idea who’s to blame
So I decided to write you this song
Even though I didn’t catch your name
The hotel room seems so empty and you’re still on my mind
And I can’t believe you left your bandolier behind
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I can’t spend another night without you
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I just want to know everything about you
Of the fifteen girls dressed just like you
You looked like you just needed some space
But you wanted to get to know me too
Even when you learned I just play bass
You were surrounded by 20 perverts but we still got away
And I want you to know you took a piece of my heart with you today
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I can’t spend another night without you
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I just want to know everything about you
Walking on the convention floor it was love at first sight
Joking about Dr. Who with you my heart took flight
I looked deep into your eyes and held you so tight
That’s when you felt my lightsaber burn so bright
I pull the curtains and look down on the street
And still I wish I saw you standing there
They only thing that I’m left with now
Are a bunch of sheets that are covered in hair
Will I ever see you again, I guess I’ll never know
But you will always be welcome backstage after our show
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I can’t spend another night without you
Oh girl dressed as Chewbacca won’t you come back to me
I just want to know everything about you
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8. |
Making Love Like A Geek
02:17
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When I met you online I thought you were so hot
And I thank you for comin' to see all the movies that I got
But it’s time to lay back and install my hard drive
I was virus protected before I arrived
You don’t have to log off on my account
I’ll just sit in the chair and be your epic mount
I ask you don’t be fooled by my physique
I’ve learned from the best and makin’ love like a geek
I can dress like a cylon and you be an elf
Just like the action figures way up on the shelf
Don’t be a tease with your hand on my thigh
It’s do or do not; there aint no try
I’m so turned on by your hot bod
Now I’ll unzip my pants so you can kneel before Zod
The prospect of sex used to seem so bleak
But now it’s all good, I’m makin’ love like a geek
(guitar solo)
This might sound rude but don’t think I’m a jerk
But when I’m with you baby, I’m thinking of Kirk
And now I’m heading way deep down into Middle Earth
So I’m slipping on that ring because it adds way more girth
Then choke me like Leia choked Jabba the Hut
And stick that toy lightsaber right in my butt
If it starts getting weird, well don’t think I’m a freak
I’ve learned from the best and making love like a geek
It’s a whole new world when makin’ love like a geek
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9. |
Settlers of My Pants
02:56
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Welcome to a new game night, I’ve got what they call a gateway game
You may end up calling it filler but either way you will never be the same
This here is my deck builder but before you make a sound
It’s kind of small when the game starts but gets bigger every round
It’s time to take a chance
And play The Settlers of My Pants
I’m not looking for bricks now baby, or any of your sheep no no
But I’ll give you all my wood for what you got going on down below
They say I’m a power gamer and that I can be quite brash
But this might be your lucky night if you’re into Ameritrash
The gameplay is quite advanced
With the settlers of my pants
It is is so easy to learn, go on and take your turn
Try as hard as you can, you’re never gonna know what’s in my hand
I promise to play nice, but in the end it’s just a roll of the dice
I’ve got my strategy all planned out, you don’t know what’s in store
It’s not a broken mechanic, when I score, everyone scores
No need to be a rules lawyer this is where the game goes co-op
I hope you like my expansion, cuz when I’m done the whole game stops
It’s really huge in France
Where it’s called the Settlers of Moi's Pants
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10. |
Button Mash
02:08
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11. |
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12. |
Fuck Mountain
03:40
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For most of our amazing lives
It’s been out of our reach
But now we're looking for a band of brothers
For whom we can beseech
Won’t you come and join with me
It's a journey that will truly set you free
Fuck Mountain
Fuck Mountain
First, we’ll need a wingman
Who will help us break the ice
And a designated driver
with a limo will suffice
And the most important member of the team
A guy much uglier than us
He’ll make us look real good in comparison
So when we’re naked there’ll be no fuss
Pack your bags it’s time to go
Where the expectations are nice and low
Fuck Mountain
Fuck Mountain
(Spoken)
People, we will never forget the day the wise, old wizard came to our door. He had heard us practicing from down the block and he said, "Gentlemen, I can tell that you have not known the sensual caress of another human being in quite some time. But don't worry! For I have a quest and I want you two to join me on that quest. You only have to ask yourselves two questions: First is, am I wearing clean underpants? And two is; do I feel the urge? Because gentlemen...it is time...TO CLIMB!
We’re gonna climb fuck mountain
And we're not gonna stop
Until we get it in, all the way– not just the tip
And we'll actually finish this time and not get all up in our heads
And make it kind of weird
Fuck Mountain--
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Megathruster Portland, Oregon
Music by two Hufflepuffs in Oregon who love Chewbacca, friendship & keeping it fuckin' real.
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